Shortly after my 'on days', I had a few 'off days'. Those low energy days when my internal switches for motivation, brainpower, and desire for relationships seem to be stuck in the OFF position. Nothing particularly had happened. I wasn't upset or disappointed or stressed or tired. Just off.
It took some thought—and one emotional breakdown—before I catch the culprit that had switched me into OFF mode.
It was doubt.
It turns out that I hadn't totally bought into what God was teaching me on the 'on days'.
I wasn't completely committed to my new understanding of God's calling for my life. The idea that he wasn't calling me to productivity—He didn't need me to do anything for Him—rather, He desired for me to mature through a thriving relationship with Him.
I know my doubt triggers: fear of the future, blindness to the present unfolding of God's plan, and the belief that I'm not living up to my full potential.
When I allow my thoughts to linger on doubt triggers, I open the door for doubt consume my focus.
I was believing the lie that my future would be more secure, my present would be more worthwhile, and my identity would be more valuable if I filled my time with 'doing'. How quickly I forgot that knowing the Lord is infinite more valuable than finding random ways to fill my time!
In my days of doubt, the Lord reminded me of this verse:
James 1:6-8 // "...for the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. An indecisive man is unstable in all his ways."
Ultimately, doubt is indecision. Every day, I decide whether I trust in the Lord or in myself. When I am tempted to trust in myself, I will wrestle with feelings of doubt and suffer through the instability that comes with it.
I have to get over my unwillingness to trust God. While I may want to take control into my own hands, I have to choose to trust that His timing is best. I may want to allow my emotions to control my beliefs, but I have to choose to believe that God's Word is truth.
If I don't, doubt will exclude me from the Lord's work. In Matthew 21:21, even Jesus teaches that we need to have faith without doubt to see God's power. I can't receive His blessings, if I am unwilling to trust in His plan. I have to believe in God's power to see it manifested in my life.
God promises that He has wonderful works in store for those who love Him and earnestly seek Him. How unfortunate it would be to waste precious time doubting Him, when I can spend that time getting to know Him more deeply!