As the old Air Force motto says, "flexibility is the key to air power!"
Hold your plans loosely! When my husband came home a few hours late, I allowed feelings of disappointment to ruin the time that we finally had together. It took several cancelled Friday night plans for me to realize that my expectation, not his schedule, was the problem. Instead of moping, I learned to be thankful for any minutes spent together. Quality time during the week may happen in less romantic ways, like a coffee delivery or a quick lunch out - but that's okay! This is real life, not a fairy tale.
Make a bold and intentional effort to be a part of your spouse's work.
Ask questions. Network with other spouses. Most importantly, don't be afraid to be a part of his workplace. For a civilian without any previous contact with the military, it felt strange to go on base to see him during the duty day at first. It felt like I was breaking the rules or imposing on his time. In reality, everyone was more than welcoming when I visited my husband at work. Higher-ranking officers offered to give me tours, sit in on briefings, and encouraged me to see what my husband does every day! Witnessing my husband's work reminded me that every sacrifice that I made to support my husband was worth it. It was amazing to see my husband in his element. My respect for him and his work increased significantly after I saw him in action.
As cheesy as it is, spouses are the "wind beneath their wings"... but we can also be the crosswind that causes them to crash when we don't do our job properly.
My husband and I noticed a significant correlation between his performance at work and my ability to take care of things at home. When I was focused and disciplined at home, he was focused and disciplined at work. When I was taking care of myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I was able to support him, rather than distract him. It is my job to create a peaceful home where he can recuperate and prepare for the next day. I had to learn to support strong study habits, which meant shutting my mouth even when I really wanted to tell him something. I had to learn to encourage him to rest, which meant going to bed early instead of watching one more episode on hulu. Spouses have tremendous influence on their military service members— use it wisely!
Lastly, it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone said that it would be!
There were challenges and sacrifices. There were tears and arguments. There were long hours spent at home alone. But, we also made countless wonderful memories together! We made amazing friendships that will last through the years. And we grew tremendously as individuals and as a newlywed couple. Military life is what you make it— so make it a positive experience. There is no other way that I would have rather spent our first year of marriage!
One year down. Only 19 to go!